Discipline Ramblings

Do you feel like your head has been cleared after a spanking? I do. And according to Allan he feels more focused after he spanks me. I think it's because during that time both partners are focused on each other. I'm still holding true to my position that I do not enjoy the pain, but I do like the after-effect on my attitude and my submission and connection to Allan. After a spanking and a good crying I am in a good subby place for a while.

So that begs the question (at least for me). If the spanking is harder, would I feel even better? Let me tell you why I am asking this. Allan and I are in the infant stages of DD. And when we have time to work it, we are amazingly better people, better to one another, more in love, etc... But since we are beginners I have noticed that compared to other bloggers, and some shared spanking photos, it appears I am getting off very easy.

As I'm reading blogs and viewing photos I start to wonder if Allan spanked me like "THAT" how would I be different. And he has wondered it too. We had a short conversation about it a few weeks ago and we both admitted to wondering the same. And Allan admitting he thought it was a conversation we need to start having. That made me nervous but curious too. 

Have you ever wondered the same thing? Is this something you desire or your HOH has mentioned?

Renee

My Interstate Hero

So last night began as a pretty normal night. We were heading to dinner when a tire blew out and we were stranded on the side of the interstate. Allan did what he does and pulled all the necessary tools out to change the tire. I held the flashlight, watching as he starting turning the tire wrench and pulling lug nuts off the tire. Even in the deep South we have a few chilly winters and last night it was even windy and cold (for us, LOL). I was in a skirt and doing my best to be a good helper despite the chilly weather.

But we soon ran into a problem. The lug nuts were stripped because the tire shop had used that big loud air compressed tool to tighten them. So there was no tread to turn them off the tire. I watched as Allan studied the ones he had removed that weren't stripped. He turned them over and over in his hand. Then out came his big pocket knife and some other tools. Long story short....these lug nuts had metal covers on them. I watched as my tarzan man-handled these metal bolts and ripped the metal covers off of them by hand. This was no easy feat. Allan is a big strong guy and it took a great deal of grunting and effort to get them off. When the last one finally ripped open and I watched him pull it off, he smiled up at me from the windy dark interstate. I think a little piece of my heart melted from the smile but a whole bunch of pieces were feeling submissive and girly watching him save the day.

We finally reached the restaurant and had a nice private little booth when he pulled out the new rules list he had been working on yesterday. We had a few verbal rules since starting DD but nothing too concrete yet. I knew this would come eventually, and had even dreaded it a bit. Allan unfolded the paper and started hi-lighting and making notes on it. We (quietly) talked about what he wanted. Now I may have normally had a lot more to say about a few things, but seriously...it's amazing how much one flat tire changed my attitude last night.

I was very receptive and we had an amazing talk. I didn't think I would be ok with rules but I am. So I guess we are beginning a new chapter, the chapter of Renee Rules (oh and quite a few spankable offenses).

My favorite Guy

Here is a little info on my guy Allan. Feel free to copy and share your answers. I decided to do this survey after I saw it on Lilli Clairmonts blog. Thanks Lilli for sharing this was a lot of fun to answer.

1. Name a favorite movie of his.  Do you like it, too?   (if he doesn't have a favorite movie, substitute a TV series)Apocalypse Now - No I don't like it. It is too violent for me. I am more of a warm and fuzzy movie girl. He does watch those with me all the time too.

2. Tell us something you cook or bake that gets him so happy.   Do you add something special that makes your recipe unique?
I love to bake for Allan. Some of his favorites are spice cake, pineapple upside down cake and apple pie. For the apple pie I make my own crust but I do a crumble topping that he LOVES. It is very easy to make too. Here's a link for the topping: http://www.food.com/recipe/streusel-crumb-topped-apple-pie-405448 
 
3. What does he wear to bed?
Usually cotton PJ pants or boxers.

4. Does he have or has he ever grown a beard or mustache?   Did/do you like it?
He grew out a goatee once. I liked it but he didn't because his facial hair is so coarse that it was always itchy. But other than that he has always been my clean shaven guy.


5. If they were going to make a movie of your husband, what actor would you pick to play him? 
Eddie Cibrian. Allan is tall dark and handsome like Eddie but my guy has big broad shoulders too. Allan has a really amazing smile and it reminds me very much of Eddie.

 

6. Who is neater around the house, you or him?  Give a sloppy example.
Me, definitely me. His sloppy example is his pocket contents. He will clean out his pockets and put things on the mantle, dresser, counter, etc... And some stuff usually gets left behind daily.

 
7. If you could buy him tickets to any concert (past, present or future), what musician/group would be singing or playing?

George Straight

8. Does he wear a wedding ring?  Do you care?
Yes, and he also has my name tattoo'd under his wedding band. That was his idea.

 
9. How old was he and how old were you on the day you met?  What else do you remember about that day?I think I was 25 and he was 35. We had spoken on the phone for weeks but this was going to be our first in person date. I was so nervous I almost didn't go, but I'm glad I did. He kissed me on the boardwalk in New Orleans and my heart flowed over right there with the mighty Mississippi River.  
 
10. If he is the one to choose an ethnic restaurant for dinner out, would it be Chinese, Indian, Mexican, French, Italian, Greek, or ... ?
Japanese - Sushi for sure

 
11. Is there a photo of him as a child that you find especially endearing?   Tell us about it.
Yes, but he was actually about 12 I think with a hammer in his hand. He had the best and most genuine smile....still does.
 
12. If you were going to choose a dress in a color just to please him, what color would it be?
Red, bright red with matching sexy red heels.

 
13. Do/did you love his mother?  Why or why not?
Yes I do love her, but she is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. I wish we had a better relationship with her.

 
14. Name a famous person he really admires.
Ronald Reagan


 
15. Does your husband prefer coffee or tea?
Neither. I think he loves them both. He only drinks hot coffee, never iced coffee, but he loves sweet iced tea. We are from the south after all.

 
16. Does your man know how to dance?  Is it something you both enjoy?
Yes, but don't laugh. He learned most of it in country music bars while living abroad in the military. He's a great slow dancer but not so much the fast stuff.

Stranded

I am stranded today. My keys are in Allan's truck hours away and my car is sitting in the garage taking the day off. I do not like this Sam I am. But on another note I am getting some good reading in blog land today.

So give me some suggestions. Link your blog in the comments section or suggest one of your favorites. Tell me what you like about it too if you'd like.

Am I missing something?

So with the great cookie exchange, Love Our Lurkers, Etc... I am wondering if maybe there is a better way to connect with other bloggers or couples in the DD community. Does it just take time or is there some fantastic forum I am missing? Any comments will be appreciated.

The Spanking Timer

There is this place that I vacationed once. It wasn't my favorite vacation but in my mind I can still see myself there, in this one particular spot, standing and looking out over the calm water. I remember that in order to get to that place I had to walk along a very long narrow wooden pier. But as I walked I knew that there would be peace at the end. That is what discipline is like for me. Let me explain...

In my last post I talked about how I had a punishment spanking coming. But as it turned out we had a wonderful date night opportunity pop up unexpectedly and Allan took me out on the town. It was such a great night and early in the evening I had my suspicions that no spanking would be happening. Thankfully I was right and we spent a romantic date together doing all kinds of fun and Christmasy type things late into the night. Our weekend continued on as planned and I thought he had forgotten. I was wrong!

Last night we had just gotten the kids all put to bed and I was getting cozy on the sofa after a busy weekend. The show we were watching ended and I asked if he wanted to watch something else. But all he could say was "Bedroom now". Yikes! I complied. We went to the bedroom and he ordered the pajama pants and panties off. He started lecturing about how I had been so disobedient last week and he finally had the opportunity to deal with it. I knew I was about to get it. But then something different....his phone came out. He set the timer to ten minutes and told me to get over his knee. I crawled across his lap and grabbed a pillow to squeeze.

Now, a maintenance spanking probably wouldn't be so bad on a timer. But a punishment spanking, at least under Allan rule, had me crying Alligator tears about 7 minutes in. I squirmed and wiggled and kicked my way through it but there was no getting away from that timer. When it was over I was a sobbing mess and was thoroughly regretting not taking the nap I had been told to take. Nap Vs. the Timer equalls a no brainer.

So today I am still sore but much more focused on Allan, and in a much more subby place. I like it here because it is emotionally warm and cozy and and I feel much more calm and peaceful here! Kind of like walking down that pier. The view at the end is great!

Daddy's Belt, and why I need it!

Let me start off by saying that I am not a masochist. I do not enjoy pain in any way so there is no part of me that wants to be spanked for the pain. And when I say Daddy I am referring to my husband Allan. He's not my Father, but he is the HOH and Daddy in our home. So with those things aside let's talk about why I need Daddy's belt.

Here's a little background information. I was married once before right out of High School. I was an overachiever who was a CEO by 23 years old, and he was a man child. I do not say that with any disrespect for men, but this guy was a train wreck in regards to harnessing his masculinity. He did not take charge of anything, fix anything broken or keep a job. I was at times the sole bread winner and had to be on my A game all the time because of his short comings. I knew that I was unhappy and needed out badly. That marriage ended after a few years and life went on. But what stuck with me was the need for control.

Along comes Allan in my mid twenties. By this time I knew myself well enough to know I wasn't looking for a repeat. I wanted someone who could take the wheel and let me take a step back. Allan was my guy. Everything about him screamed dominant. He was at least a foot taller than me and a hundred pounds larger. Broad shoulders, Veteran Military, leadership position at work. He loved to spoil me and take care of me and for the first time ever I felt submissive. I was smitten! We got married, had a family and made a life.

Now back then I didn't know what submission was. I just knew we were in this wonderful dynamic where I loved caring for him and he took good care of me and our family. But as time went on things changed. Each time we would hit a hurdle in life my need to fix the situation came blazing back over and over again. Over time my need to control was back in full swing. I ran my household like a well oiled machine. To me that was justification for my need to control. There was just one problem with that....you can't have two bosses. Although I was the only one that needed to feel submissive, I was often volleying for control against Allan. What started as a great dynamic had turned into two very frustrated people.

Over time I realized how destructive this was. I realized that I was killing my own submissive spirit and that submission was something I needed VERY BADLY. As I told Allan "left to my own devices, I will rule the world". And I do not want that much responsibility no matter how much it might seem like it when I am racing for power to control whatever needs to be done around here.

These days I am a work at home wife and Mom. I still keep a clean house and try to over manage just about everything, but there is one exception. I am not allowed to over manage. Because Daddy has a belt that can yank me out of boss lady mode and force me to focus on my submission when needed.
Submission is critical for me and it is my choice. Not because I was brainwashed like some liberals might want to say, but because it actually makes me feel better, calmer and more peaceful. I choose this!

So here I sit knowing what is coming tonight. Yesterday I was doing my thing, stressing myself out in full blown clean the house, manage my job and kids mode. It wasn't going well because after days of this over the holidays I was exhausted. Allan calls from work and tells me to take a break and go lay down while the kids were napping. I agreed....but...... No I didn't do it I just kept plugging along with my chores until the kids woke up. He came home early and asked if I napped. I said yes to appease him. He's a smart guy and figured out pretty quickly that there was no pillow or blanket on the sofa.

Today I get a message from him to be ready tonight. I know what he means and I know that he sent it to me early in the day so I would think about it all day. It means punishment spanking for being dishonest. He always says that I won't care for myself unless he makes it happen and yes that is true. Maybe that is another aspect of submission. The internal desire to serve others puts us on the back burner. So despite what I want, I know what I need. And sometimes for lack of a better term it is to be put back in a submissive place.

Renee

Submitting Slowly

Today I had a heated discussion with Allan who felt like I was not trying very hard to submit. "But I am" I said. Actually, I said that then got very quiet as I plowed through fields of memories for the past few days thinking of how I felt like I was submitting but he didn't see it.

I KNOW I am a control freak. I get it! But just because it is taking me longer than some doesn't mean I don't want it. He wasn't mad. He just said that I was giving him mixed signals because on one hand I said I wanted this, but on the other hand I still take the reigns so tightly.

He went on to tell me that he does love the take charge side of me, but it doesn't mirror what I told him I wanted.

Am I destined to fail at this? I want to be a submissive wife, really I do. Really.

Renee

Inside My Safe Place

Inside my safe place you are my protector. You stand over me and I look up into your eyes and feel your strength. You kiss my forehead and whisper, I love you little one. I melt.

Inside my safe place you wrap your big strong arms around me. I bury my head into your chest and hear your heartbeat. That is where I belong.

Inside my safe place you are my leader. You fix the broken whether it be my bad day or my car. I know you will pick up the phone when I call because that is who you are.

Inside my safe place you are my disciplinarian. You pull me across your lap and place your hand on the small of my back. You tell me that you love me, and tell me that you are my leader. You remind me of your strength. Then you kiss away my tears and hold me close.

Inside my safe place I find my gentleness and I adore your strength. I give you my heart and in return you do not break it. I trust you and I love you. 

Renee

My gypsy soul - My painful bottom

Yes, a very painful reminder today of my dishonesty yesterday. Oh if I could just go back and tell the truth. Well, technically I did tell the truth but it took me a while to do it and my bottom paid a high price last night.

It was after dinner and after the kids had gone to bed that I got the very stern "meet me in the bedroom". I asked him to give me a minute because, well, I just needed to come to grips with what was happening. Earlier in the night I had come clean about a little issue that he didn't feel was such a little issue so as I was standing there in the bathroom I knew exactly what he meant. 

Well darn, I had been on a roll....a small roll, but it had been about a week I had been a very good girl. I was cooking and baking, being all domestic and all the things my 1950's type hubby loves. But my mouth, oh my mouth, why do you betray me?

Ok, so exiting the bathroom made my knees weak. Followed promptly be the knee pat and the "panties down". If you have never heard those words in that voice then you have never truly felt the weak knees of DD. I took the dowel rod first, then cried for anything else. He met my request with a hard swat of his hand. (I have a love hate relationship with those hands). I buried my head into a pillow and cried. Each swat harder than before, then they came faster. Over and over and over, I thought they would never end. I tried hard not to kick and wiggle but couldn't. My hands swung behind me and were met with a quick pinning behind my back and then my legs met the same fate. He lectured, and I cried. He lectured then I sobbed. I begged for him to stop and finally he did. 

The sobbing got worse and all the guilt I felt and other emotions bubbled over to the surface. Allan pulled me into his lap and I stayed there a good while until all the sad faded away. He told me he loved me over and over and I know he does.

He is wonderful like that, and after the discipline and the comfort I fell into his arms for the kind of comfort only he can give me. And I am usually all too eager to oblige. I wake up feeling wonderful, happy loved, adored, protected, but yes....still with an aching bottom.

On one hand I opted for a skirt today to avoid any adverse pulling on my red bottom, but on the other hand my sore bottom is a good reminder to my gypsy soul and her sister sassy mouth not to get too out of line again.

Wish me luck!

Renee

This little DD Community

I just want to say how much it has helped to find that there is this amazing community of people out there in DD/TTWD/TIH blog and chat land. When I first started reading about DD online I mostly just found some pretty rigid instructional websites. That honestly turned me off a bit. I knew it all sounded interesting and like something that could help our marriage but those websites seemed a little cold.

Then I found the bloggers. Mostly women I admit but reading each and every blog gave me different points of view and different levels of insight. It brought humanity into DD and that is what ultimately won me over.

So thank you to all you lovely ladies (and the occasional HOH) who have shared your stories with me and helped me so much. I will keep reading and reading and reading. Blog On!

Renee

In the land of "First".

I titled this post In the land of "first". Because that's exactly where we are. We are in the place where there is a lot of firsts happening (is that a word?). Let me explain.

We have yet to put a label on our little dynamic even though Allan doesn't feel the need to. I on the other hand am navigating articles and blogs and soaking in every resource I can find because honestly I still have that nagging feeling somewhere deep down that wonders why I am so drawn to this lifestyle, and why it is changing my relationship with Allan so intensely. 

I feel like our relationship has been set on fire. I feel his presence when he is near me. A look, or a stern word can ignite a feeling in me that I have never felt before. And as we dive into domestic discipline there have been a lot of things happening for the first time. Like my first punishment spanking. I was a little disrespectful, over him messing up my hair of all things, and earned myself quite a spanking. It took me offguard but it is now out of the way and I am less nervous about having to overcome that first one. 

Then there is the first time I told him that I wanted rules because that made me feel more secure. It made me feel like I would know what was expected of me. See, that was a double first because I asked for rules and I was honest about wanting them. I've found that I am having such a hard time being honest about my feelings about domestic discipline. Maybe in time this will get easier. 

Renee

Exploring DD - My confusing feelings

I remember the first night we "opened the door" to DD. The next day was so strange for me. I woke up feeling calm. Over the next few nights we talked as openly as I could about how we felt, what was happening between us, and our expectations. So I know we are at the starting line here, but we have decided that for now we will practice DD in our own way. 

I heard Chelsea from http://learningdd.com/blog/ on a podcast talk about how many couples practice DD in different ways. I think I agree it should not be a one size fits all situation. I suppose we are going to figure this out together, but my feelings are so jumbled up right now.

Allan has spanked me probably ten times so far, and my emotions are on a roller coaster. I have felt everything from the obvious "pain" to a new love and admiration for him. I have felt nervous, excited, aroused, safe, secure. So many more positives than negatives. Truthfully, I am so in awe of this man right now that sometimes my feelings catch me offguard. I think one of the most fascinating things so far has been watching the evolution of my vanilla husband. Was this in him all along?

Renee

Renee Has Yielded

This is my first post. I decided to start my own blog because I have been pouring over every article I could find on DD and TTWD for weeks, trying to better understand it, and why in a Months time it has transformed my marriage so completely. I want a way to connect myself to a place where this is ok, this thing we do, whatever it may be.

So here goes.....

I always knew that I wanted this. I can't remember at what age or why, just that I wanted to submit. But there was one problem which was I have a strong independent personality which was courtesy of my upbringing. My family was evangelical, and I loved it. My Dad was a soft spoken and kind man and my Mom was a stay-at-home Mom who was the discipline figure for us kids. She was always in control and wanted to raise her daughters the same way. She said our church taught that wives should submit to their husbands, but she knew she couldn't and I shouldn't feel I had to. But deep down I was a girl, and I knew I wanted a strong masculine man. I wanted to be gentle and wear skirts and bake things. I wanted to submit but my pride, and the fear of being seen as weak was in the way. 

Then, after much talking and heartfelt conversations with my husband (Allan), I told him what I wanted. I wanted our own version of DD, and he was on board. And as it turned out it was what he "needed". The change I have seen in him has been amazing. He took on this role so naturally and it has made me see him in a new light. We spent almost a decade going in the wrong direction. But suddenly, Renee has yielded. What has taken place in the past month can not even be put into words. I am submitted, I am yielded and suddenly I am alive. 

Renee