Monday, December 28, 2015

Discipline Ramblings

Do you feel like your head has been cleared after a spanking? I do. And according to Allan he feels more focused after he spanks me. I think it's because during that time both partners are focused on each other. I'm still holding true to my position that I do not enjoy the pain, but I do like the after-effect on my attitude and my submission and connection to Allan. After a spanking and a good crying I am in a good subby place for a while.

So that begs the question (at least for me). If the spanking is harder, would I feel even better? Let me tell you why I am asking this. Allan and I are in the infant stages of DD. And when we have time to work it, we are amazingly better people, better to one another, more in love, etc... But since we are beginners I have noticed that compared to other bloggers, and some shared spanking photos, it appears I am getting off very easy.

As I'm reading blogs and viewing photos I start to wonder if Allan spanked me like "THAT" how would I be different. And he has wondered it too. We had a short conversation about it a few weeks ago and we both admitted to wondering the same. And Allan admitting he thought it was a conversation we need to start having. That made me nervous but curious too. 

Have you ever wondered the same thing? Is this something you desire or your HOH has mentioned?



  1. First off, as I am sure you know it is VERY dangerous to compare. It isn't about how severe the spanking is compared to others. It is what works for you. The amount of pain doesn't equal the amount of connection. In fact it can work completely opposite if you are not 'ready' for it.

    We have been doing ttwd for over 3 years. Compared to many out there my spankings are much more severe, compared to some they probably are not. Why? Because initially my head was so stubborn, and now most likely because there is nerve damage 'back there'.

    I do think as time goes on spankings do become or can become much more intense, for various reasons. THAT being said if you rush it, it can end up terribly wrong. There are several stages that people generally go through during a spanking. Eventually that is. In the initial or 'honeymoon' stage of Dd you might not feel these. The most 'dangerous' one for us is 'the anger' stage. The point where in order to deal with the extreme physical pain, the body releases endorphins that can appear to come out as anger, ( in some~ I am one) If you are unprepared for this or unaware, it can cause all sorts of issues, especially if you are 'left' ie the spanking ends when you are there.

    Also fast, furious and extreme can take away from that 'wonderful' feeling you have after, if your husband doesn't have it 'in' him, due to inexperience to take you beyond where you have been before. You can be left feeling unsatisfied.

    IF however you do feel that inside yourself, you don't really feel punished when all is said and done. Or if you resume undesirable behaviour not long after again, perhaps it is time to take it up a notch.

    My suggestion? To experiment in a non punishment situation. One where there is no pressure, emotional or otherwise to experiment. We used to do this during 'reset' sessions. He would stop, ask me questions, gauge by the tone of my voice where my head was at...etc. Later we would discuss what happened.

    TTWD really has to do with the mind and the heart. If you are still able to turn yourself around and feel better after a spanking, it doesn't matter if he spanks you with a feather. THAT is success!


  2. Willie,

    Can you explain a reset session?

    1. Absolutely Renee. Some people call them maintenance but to 'us' that means maintaining status quo. For 'us' a reset happens when my husband senses that I am 'slipping away' from my submissive heartset. What I mean by this is, perhaps I occasionally answer curtly, or I am pulling away from him. Instead of waiting until I out and out disobey or disrespect, he will spank me. There are no hurt feelings or emotional overload. Let's put it this way, YOU know when you are what I call 'building'. Your emotions/thought process are starting to change. You NEED his specific attention. A reset happens then. At first my husband couldn't always see what I required, but through 'tells' and communication, we evolved to understand what was needed.

      Does that help?

  3. I think we did wonder this back at the beginning and I can remember trying some different things for the simple purpose of seeing how I would respond etc. That said, I think that most of those blogs with photos are likely folks who play on the more intense side and that is just fine...but I wonder if they are more of the minority. Who can know. I like Willie's idea of experimenting when there's no raw emotions attached.

    Like you, I know I need spankings but I've never been a fan of the actual act. I will avoid it like the plague and even when I know I desperately need it, I do not look forward to it one bit. My husband is very serious about not leaving a mark on me and that's kinda tricky b/c he's also serious about taking me through all those stages Willie mentioned and making sure he doesn't leave me in a bad taste. Honestly Renee...I think this is the hard part. He says that he is never more focused on me than in a middle of a spanking and that he is intentionally trying to help me without hurting me. It's cheesy to say but spanking your wife is an art and each of us are different both in how our heads respond and how much our bodies can take. A huge part of Allan's job going forward is going to be figuring out what both of you want and need and then giving it. It's okay that this will take some's all part of growing together and you will experience more and more of the closeness and focus that you spoke of. If you want and find benefits in something more intense, you'll figure it out. Keep telling him where your head is at afterwards...I think it helps them a great deal to have that feedback.