Saturday, November 28, 2015

Inside My Safe Place

Inside my safe place you are my protector. You stand over me and I look up into your eyes and feel your strength. You kiss my forehead and whisper, I love you little one. I melt.

Inside my safe place you wrap your big strong arms around me. I bury my head into your chest and hear your heartbeat. That is where I belong.

Inside my safe place you are my leader. You fix the broken whether it be my bad day or my car. I know you will pick up the phone when I call because that is who you are.

Inside my safe place you are my disciplinarian. You pull me across your lap and place your hand on the small of my back. You tell me that you love me, and tell me that you are my leader. You remind me of your strength. Then you kiss away my tears and hold me close.

Inside my safe place I find my gentleness and I adore your strength. I give you my heart and in return you do not break it. I trust you and I love you. 


Thursday, November 19, 2015

My gypsy soul - My painful bottom

Yes, a very painful reminder today of my dishonesty yesterday. Oh if I could just go back and tell the truth. Well, technically I did tell the truth but it took me a while to do it and my bottom paid a high price last night.

It was after dinner and after the kids had gone to bed that I got the very stern "meet me in the bedroom". I asked him to give me a minute because, well, I just needed to come to grips with what was happening. Earlier in the night I had come clean about a little issue that he didn't feel was such a little issue so as I was standing there in the bathroom I knew exactly what he meant. 

Well darn, I had been on a roll....a small roll, but it had been about a week I had been a very good girl. I was cooking and baking, being all domestic and all the things my 1950's type hubby loves. But my mouth, oh my mouth, why do you betray me?

Ok, so exiting the bathroom made my knees weak. Followed promptly be the knee pat and the "panties down". If you have never heard those words in that voice then you have never truly felt the weak knees of DD. I took the dowel rod first, then cried for anything else. He met my request with a hard swat of his hand. (I have a love hate relationship with those hands). I buried my head into a pillow and cried. Each swat harder than before, then they came faster. Over and over and over, I thought they would never end. I tried hard not to kick and wiggle but couldn't. My hands swung behind me and were met with a quick pinning behind my back and then my legs met the same fate. He lectured, and I cried. He lectured then I sobbed. I begged for him to stop and finally he did. 

The sobbing got worse and all the guilt I felt and other emotions bubbled over to the surface. Allan pulled me into his lap and I stayed there a good while until all the sad faded away. He told me he loved me over and over and I know he does.

He is wonderful like that, and after the discipline and the comfort I fell into his arms for the kind of comfort only he can give me. And I am usually all too eager to oblige. I wake up feeling wonderful, happy loved, adored, protected, but yes....still with an aching bottom.

On one hand I opted for a skirt today to avoid any adverse pulling on my red bottom, but on the other hand my sore bottom is a good reminder to my gypsy soul and her sister sassy mouth not to get too out of line again.

Wish me luck!


Wednesday, November 18, 2015

This little DD Community

I just want to say how much it has helped to find that there is this amazing community of people out there in DD/TTWD/TIH blog and chat land. When I first started reading about DD online I mostly just found some pretty rigid instructional websites. That honestly turned me off a bit. I knew it all sounded interesting and like something that could help our marriage but those websites seemed a little cold.

Then I found the bloggers. Mostly women I admit but reading each and every blog gave me different points of view and different levels of insight. It brought humanity into DD and that is what ultimately won me over.

So thank you to all you lovely ladies (and the occasional HOH) who have shared your stories with me and helped me so much. I will keep reading and reading and reading. Blog On!


Sunday, November 15, 2015

In the land of "First".

I titled this post In the land of "first". Because that's exactly where we are. We are in the place where there is a lot of firsts happening (is that a word?). Let me explain.

We have yet to put a label on our little dynamic even though Allan doesn't feel the need to. I on the other hand am navigating articles and blogs and soaking in every resource I can find because honestly I still have that nagging feeling somewhere deep down that wonders why I am so drawn to this lifestyle, and why it is changing my relationship with Allan so intensely. 

I feel like our relationship has been set on fire. I feel his presence when he is near me. A look, or a stern word can ignite a feeling in me that I have never felt before. And as we dive into domestic discipline there have been a lot of things happening for the first time. Like my first punishment spanking. I was a little disrespectful, over him messing up my hair of all things, and earned myself quite a spanking. It took me offguard but it is now out of the way and I am less nervous about having to overcome that first one. 

Then there is the first time I told him that I wanted rules because that made me feel more secure. It made me feel like I would know what was expected of me. See, that was a double first because I asked for rules and I was honest about wanting them. I've found that I am having such a hard time being honest about my feelings about domestic discipline. Maybe in time this will get easier. 


Friday, November 6, 2015

Exploring DD - My confusing feelings

I remember the first night we "opened the door" to DD. The next day was so strange for me. I woke up feeling calm. Over the next few nights we talked as openly as I could about how we felt, what was happening between us, and our expectations. So I know we are at the starting line here, but we have decided that for now we will practice DD in our own way. 

I heard Chelsea from on a podcast talk about how many couples practice DD in different ways. I think I agree it should not be a one size fits all situation. I suppose we are going to figure this out together, but my feelings are so jumbled up right now.

Allan has spanked me probably ten times so far, and my emotions are on a roller coaster. I have felt everything from the obvious "pain" to a new love and admiration for him. I have felt nervous, excited, aroused, safe, secure. So many more positives than negatives. Truthfully, I am so in awe of this man right now that sometimes my feelings catch me offguard. I think one of the most fascinating things so far has been watching the evolution of my vanilla husband. Was this in him all along?


Renee Has Yielded

This is my first post. I decided to start my own blog because I have been pouring over every article I could find on DD and TTWD for weeks, trying to better understand it, and why in a Months time it has transformed my marriage so completely. I want a way to connect myself to a place where this is ok, this thing we do, whatever it may be.

So here goes.....

I always knew that I wanted this. I can't remember at what age or why, just that I wanted to submit. But there was one problem which was I have a strong independent personality which was courtesy of my upbringing. My family was evangelical, and I loved it. My Dad was a soft spoken and kind man and my Mom was a stay-at-home Mom who was the discipline figure for us kids. She was always in control and wanted to raise her daughters the same way. She said our church taught that wives should submit to their husbands, but she knew she couldn't and I shouldn't feel I had to. But deep down I was a girl, and I knew I wanted a strong masculine man. I wanted to be gentle and wear skirts and bake things. I wanted to submit but my pride, and the fear of being seen as weak was in the way. 

Then, after much talking and heartfelt conversations with my husband (Allan), I told him what I wanted. I wanted our own version of DD, and he was on board. And as it turned out it was what he "needed". The change I have seen in him has been amazing. He took on this role so naturally and it has made me see him in a new light. We spent almost a decade going in the wrong direction. But suddenly, Renee has yielded. What has taken place in the past month can not even be put into words. I am submitted, I am yielded and suddenly I am alive.