Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Submission Struggle

Ladies, hopefully you can help me out. How do you prepare yourself mentally for submission? Do you engage in any personal submission exercises to encourage your submission when it feels tough? Are there any little things you do for your husband to show you are approaching him with respect?

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Reset and Reconnect

I'm still here. It's been a year since my last post. Life threw some mega curve balls my way but I made it through. We shelved DD while we were dealing with family issues, but now I'm ready to do it again. At least, I think most of me is. The problem is that after such an absence, how to restart and reconnect where we once were?

First of all I remember the embarrassed feelings that overcame me in the beginning. Learning to be submissive, talking in terms of rules... It was all so strange and after such a lapse I know it will be that way again. So I'm nervous.

Next I know my motivation to do this matters. Is it to strengthen my marriage? Is it to strengthen myself through losing myself in submission? It it a sexual motivation? Because it made our sex life better. But then again, it just made our whole relationship better. It was a marriage saver.

And finally, how will he react? DD is so much more than spanking so is he up for the leadership it takes in our relationship? Is he up for dealing with the very uncomfortable conversations to start over. And how do I reconcile in my own mind and heart that he is a man who is not perfect, yet I'm going to let control go anyway. I've been mad at him for various reasons. I'm not sure if the anger will go away faster with DD or make it worse. I just remember how it healed before.

So many things are running through my head. Can this lifestyle really work long term? I wish it would.

I need support. Comment, email me. I remember having support from you guys once. I need it again.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

My First Corner Time

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle All The Way! Boy do I love Christmas time. I wish it could be Christmas all year round. I love the cold weather, the long pants, the lights, the food, I just love it all. And let's just be honest, we all have that one favorite Christmas movie that puts us in the Christmas spirit. My favorite Christmas movie is "ELF". I think I've seen it a couple dozen times but it makes me laugh and that's a good thing. 

Things around our place have been going well. DD has been somewhat inconsistent but we have so much going on that it just fills the spaces we have time for. I wish it was different and maybe one day it will be. Allan has added a new element to our relationship and that is corner time. I had read about corner time and even chatted with a few girls who's HOH's incorporate it into their relationship, but I never thought it would be used for us. About two weeks ago Allan brought it up for the first time and at first I just thought he was joking around. Nope! 

So far I've only been there once and it was far worse than I thought. It's a humbling experience. Panties down and standing quietly. It was genuinely a very reflective time as I knew what was to come. Knowing my husband was watching made this an intense experience for me. If it's supposed to bring out the submissive side, it works. Standing there before a spanking actually made me worry more about the spanking than usual. We are trying a few, what I will loosely refer to, as submission exercises. Maybe what Allan wants most for Christmas is more submission. I am definitely working on it!


Wednesday, November 2, 2016

The D Word

How do you put into words the things you have hiding in the deep recesses of your mind or heart? Or maybe the question should be, how do you bring certain subjects up "oh so delicately" when you are afraid of their reaction?

For me the answer to that question has never been easy. Domestic discipline opened up so many doors for dialogue and communication for Allan and I. And over time I've found it a little easier to bring up uncomfortable subjects because I've learned to trust him. However, there are still times I worry about his reaction.

I consider myself a Christian woman, and I have my morals. So when I have these deep feelings wash over me when I am with Allan I don't often understand them myself and I worry if what I'm feeling is immoral. There have been many days I've looked in the mirror and thought "Girl, you need to set up an appointment with a Counselor". I haven't so far, but maybe one day I will. For now I'm "EXPLORING" my feelings.

So I have this thing for Authority. Huh, imagine that, a TIH who loves authority, LOL. And Allan is older than me. So I've found this respect and admiration that I have for him brings to light these strange feelings that I guess many in pop culture would call "Daddy Issues". Yep I've got them BAD. 

I was not abandoned or neglected as a child. I wasn't ignored or belittled. In fact, I have a great relationship with my Father. But he was a soft spoken guy....not exactly the tough protector type. I guess I've just wanted that my whole life and I found it in Allan.

So one night I just tossed my fear out and called him Daddy, and OMG I loved it. All these things just started pouring out of me. He seemed to like it too. I know it's such a non-traditional and unusual thing but it's just happened and I'm processing it. It's honestly brought to light so many things I'm learning about myself. I never thought one little word could change me, but it did. I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there in blogland who feels the same?

Friday, October 14, 2016

Maybe a Spanking in the Garage?

Life has been pretty stressful here in my town after the great flood that happened. While my house didn't flood, most did, so I've been keeping myself busy trying to help as I can. Most days I find myself taking charge of the situation, laying out plans, and keeping busy busy busy. It just seems to be in my nature. So a few days ago Allan comes home and says to me that I need to try to relax, put my feet up and chill out. I agree reluctantly, knowing full well my hyper-drive personality will make that nearly impossible. Let's be honest here. I need a little help from time to time. Yes, discipline is a help for me, getting my mind back to a clear place. I don't know if any other women feel the same way but I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. 

But it's hard with the kids here, trying to be just quiet enough, it kind of sucks the life out of the purpose of stress relief if you're worried about noise. `

So, with no immediate weekend plans on the horizon, I get to thinking. We need a space. A discipline space that I can go to for some re-set as needed. However, no such place really exists in our home. We've tried the bedroom, bathroom, etc.. but nothing is quiet enough. So, how about the garage? It's detached from the house right? Hummm....maybe with a little organization in there it might be an option. I mention this to Allan last night and I could see his wheels start turning. He's at work today, but if I know my husband, he's got it all worked out in his head already. I'm curious how this will turn out!

Friday, August 26, 2016

The Great Flood

Have you been watching the news? Did you hear about The Great Louisiana Flood of 2016. Well we are right in the middle of ground zero. Life got uprooted and thrown downriver, no pun intended. We watched the water come. It inched closer and closer and I cried. Everything we owned was shoved in the attic, in the tops of cabinets and our furniture went up on blocks. I remember standing on my front porch watching the Jon boats in the distance coming closer and closer and thinking that was a bad sign. In the end we stood dry, like an island with water all around us. Everyone we know and love flooded. 2 feet, 4 feet, even 8 feet in their homes. I still cried because I felt guilty.

Here is a little political satire for you. I don't know if you are Republican or Democrat but Donald Trump was on the ground here while Obama played golf. The media made it sound like it was bad he came but he came very quietly and donated over $100k to a local Church to help everyone here. He even brought an 18 wheeler of supplies. I've yet to see fema here. It's mostly local Church's and out of state Church's sending help.

It looks like something from a post apocolyptic movie here. I'm exhausted. I've cooked more food than I ever dreamed for volunteers, and waded through more disgusting water than I can stand. I'm tired of the smell, I'm tired of my kids fighting because everyone is on top of each other, I'm tired of the traffic coming to the one or two open grocery stores. I'm tired of early mornings and late nights of gutting home after home. And I'm so incredibly tired of the Government saying they're helping, when honestly other than a good amped up piece of journalism here or there, it feels like I live in a forgotten community of sad souls. I know this isn't a political blog, but damn it, I'm just tired.


Thursday, August 4, 2016

I think it's time

If you read my last post then you know that life is looking up, and now that I feel somewhat more emotionally unbound, it is perhaps time I could focus on my submission again. Because boy oh boy does that just tickle my fancy....pun intended.

My marriage is magically transformed through submission. It's so hard to explain. There is such freedom in submission for me. So, the plan is to bring it up tonight. I am nervous that after the break it might be hard to find a good rhythm again, but we will see.

Maybe I should just text him a picture of the red spatula and see if he can guess which direction I'm heading to :)

Renee