Wednesday, December 7, 2016

My First Corner Time

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle All The Way! Boy do I love Christmas time. I wish it could be Christmas all year round. I love the cold weather, the long pants, the lights, the food, I just love it all. And let's just be honest, we all have that one favorite Christmas movie that puts us in the Christmas spirit. My favorite Christmas movie is "ELF". I think I've seen it a couple dozen times but it makes me laugh and that's a good thing. 

Things around our place have been going well. DD has been somewhat inconsistent but we have so much going on that it just fills the spaces we have time for. I wish it was different and maybe one day it will be. Allan has added a new element to our relationship and that is corner time. I had read about corner time and even chatted with a few girls who's HOH's incorporate it into their relationship, but I never thought it would be used for us. About two weeks ago Allan brought it up for the first time and at first I just thought he was joking around. Nope! 

So far I've only been there once and it was far worse than I thought. It's a humbling experience. Panties down and standing quietly. It was genuinely a very reflective time as I knew what was to come. Knowing my husband was watching made this an intense experience for me. If it's supposed to bring out the submissive side, it works. Standing there before a spanking actually made me worry more about the spanking than usual. We are trying a few, what I will loosely refer to, as submission exercises. Maybe what Allan wants most for Christmas is more submission. I am definitely working on it!


Wednesday, November 2, 2016

The D Word

How do you put into words the things you have hiding in the deep recesses of your mind or heart? Or maybe the question should be, how do you bring certain subjects up "oh so delicately" when you are afraid of their reaction?

For me the answer to that question has never been easy. Domestic discipline opened up so many doors for dialogue and communication for Allan and I. And over time I've found it a little easier to bring up uncomfortable subjects because I've learned to trust him. However, there are still times I worry about his reaction.

I consider myself a Christian woman, and I have my morals. So when I have these deep feelings wash over me when I am with Allan I don't often understand them myself and I worry if what I'm feeling is immoral. There have been many days I've looked in the mirror and thought "Girl, you need to set up an appointment with a Counselor". I haven't so far, but maybe one day I will. For now I'm "EXPLORING" my feelings.

So I have this thing for Authority. Huh, imagine that, a TIH who loves authority, LOL. And Allan is older than me. So I've found this respect and admiration that I have for him brings to light these strange feelings that I guess many in pop culture would call "Daddy Issues". Yep I've got them BAD. 

I was not abandoned or neglected as a child. I wasn't ignored or belittled. In fact, I have a great relationship with my Father. But he was a soft spoken guy....not exactly the tough protector type. I guess I've just wanted that my whole life and I found it in Allan.

So one night I just tossed my fear out and called him Daddy, and OMG I loved it. All these things just started pouring out of me. He seemed to like it too. I know it's such a non-traditional and unusual thing but it's just happened and I'm processing it. It's honestly brought to light so many things I'm learning about myself. I never thought one little word could change me, but it did. I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there in blogland who feels the same?

Friday, October 14, 2016

Maybe a Spanking in the Garage?

Life has been pretty stressful here in my town after the great flood that happened. While my house didn't flood, most did, so I've been keeping myself busy trying to help as I can. Most days I find myself taking charge of the situation, laying out plans, and keeping busy busy busy. It just seems to be in my nature. So a few days ago Allan comes home and says to me that I need to try to relax, put my feet up and chill out. I agree reluctantly, knowing full well my hyper-drive personality will make that nearly impossible. Let's be honest here. I need a little help from time to time. Yes, discipline is a help for me, getting my mind back to a clear place. I don't know if any other women feel the same way but I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. 

But it's hard with the kids here, trying to be just quiet enough, it kind of sucks the life out of the purpose of stress relief if you're worried about noise. `

So, with no immediate weekend plans on the horizon, I get to thinking. We need a space. A discipline space that I can go to for some re-set as needed. However, no such place really exists in our home. We've tried the bedroom, bathroom, etc.. but nothing is quiet enough. So, how about the garage? It's detached from the house right? Hummm....maybe with a little organization in there it might be an option. I mention this to Allan last night and I could see his wheels start turning. He's at work today, but if I know my husband, he's got it all worked out in his head already. I'm curious how this will turn out!

Friday, August 26, 2016

The Great Flood

Have you been watching the news? Did you hear about The Great Louisiana Flood of 2016. Well we are right in the middle of ground zero. Life got uprooted and thrown downriver, no pun intended. We watched the water come. It inched closer and closer and I cried. Everything we owned was shoved in the attic, in the tops of cabinets and our furniture went up on blocks. I remember standing on my front porch watching the Jon boats in the distance coming closer and closer and thinking that was a bad sign. In the end we stood dry, like an island with water all around us. Everyone we know and love flooded. 2 feet, 4 feet, even 8 feet in their homes. I still cried because I felt guilty.

Here is a little political satire for you. I don't know if you are Republican or Democrat but Donald Trump was on the ground here while Obama played golf. The media made it sound like it was bad he came but he came very quietly and donated over $100k to a local Church to help everyone here. He even brought an 18 wheeler of supplies. I've yet to see fema here. It's mostly local Church's and out of state Church's sending help.

It looks like something from a post apocolyptic movie here. I'm exhausted. I've cooked more food than I ever dreamed for volunteers, and waded through more disgusting water than I can stand. I'm tired of the smell, I'm tired of my kids fighting because everyone is on top of each other, I'm tired of the traffic coming to the one or two open grocery stores. I'm tired of early mornings and late nights of gutting home after home. And I'm so incredibly tired of the Government saying they're helping, when honestly other than a good amped up piece of journalism here or there, it feels like I live in a forgotten community of sad souls. I know this isn't a political blog, but damn it, I'm just tired.


Thursday, August 4, 2016

I think it's time

If you read my last post then you know that life is looking up, and now that I feel somewhat more emotionally unbound, it is perhaps time I could focus on my submission again. Because boy oh boy does that just tickle my fancy....pun intended.

My marriage is magically transformed through submission. It's so hard to explain. There is such freedom in submission for me. So, the plan is to bring it up tonight. I am nervous that after the break it might be hard to find a good rhythm again, but we will see.

Maybe I should just text him a picture of the red spatula and see if he can guess which direction I'm heading to :)

Renee


Saturday, July 30, 2016

Yay for Life!

The past two years of my life have been horrific. Two major issues came crashing down on my family and hung over us like dark rain clouds. There were days I felt paralyzed in fear. DD was a great distraction but I just could not possibly focus on my submission when I was having to be SO STRONG every minute. It was a complete disaster trying to embody both strength and submission in my own head. Maybe others can work that out, but I just couldn't. And I felt alone. I felt like no one could possibly understand what it was like to be facing such a massive giant, let alone two at once, like I was. I looked around at friends and family and envied their complaints about issues like money or weight loss. I questioned why me a thousand times.

So these two particular issues had no known expiration date. The future looked dim and I was depressed. But then, like a lightning bolt straight to my heart I received a phone call one day. It was a miracle, a MIRACLE BEYOND MIRACLES, and issue number one....my horrific nightmare, was suddenly, unexpectedly....O-V-E-R! I actually dropped to my knees and began sobbing the most wonderful warm tears of joy I've ever felt. I thanked God and I called my family one by one sharing the news. That day was a wonderful blur of thankfulness and joy. I feel like I have been an almost different person since that day. Stress is a very real thing and can remove you from the person you truly are. I am testament to that!

So yes, issue number two still remains. But now I have hope. Because when I tell you issue number one was at one time hope-LESS, I do not lie. Yay for life! Yay for hope!

And by the way YAY because I can now focus on my husband, and that my friends will surely bring some exciting days ahead!

Renee

Thursday, April 28, 2016

I want it so bad!

I miss DD and I want it so bad! I miss being put across the bed and lectured about his expectations then being soundly spanked into submission. I miss the security, I miss the sting, I miss how I feel about Allan when it's over. I miss the scary "wait" knowing it's coming. I miss it all.

I am thinking about asking Allan to let us try to let me switch gears as needed, if I can. And I'm not even sure I can mentally process that. But some DD MUST be better than none!

I wonder if it's even possible for me to switch gears from what is needed, to what I desperately want.

Renee