Friday, August 26, 2016

The Great Flood

Have you been watching the news? Did you hear about The Great Louisiana Flood of 2016. Well we are right in the middle of ground zero. Life got uprooted and thrown downriver, no pun intended. We watched the water come. It inched closer and closer and I cried. Everything we owned was shoved in the attic, in the tops of cabinets and our furniture went up on blocks. I remember standing on my front porch watching the Jon boats in the distance coming closer and closer and thinking that was a bad sign. In the end we stood dry, like an island with water all around us. Everyone we know and love flooded. 2 feet, 4 feet, even 8 feet in their homes. I still cried because I felt guilty.

Here is a little political satire for you. I don't know if you are Republican or Democrat but Donald Trump was on the ground here while Obama played golf. The media made it sound like it was bad he came but he came very quietly and donated over $100k to a local Church to help everyone here. He even brought an 18 wheeler of supplies. I've yet to see fema here. It's mostly local Church's and out of state Church's sending help.

It looks like something from a post apocolyptic movie here. I'm exhausted. I've cooked more food than I ever dreamed for volunteers, and waded through more disgusting water than I can stand. I'm tired of the smell, I'm tired of my kids fighting because everyone is on top of each other, I'm tired of the traffic coming to the one or two open grocery stores. I'm tired of early mornings and late nights of gutting home after home. And I'm so incredibly tired of the Government saying they're helping, when honestly other than a good amped up piece of journalism here or there, it feels like I live in a forgotten community of sad souls. I know this isn't a political blog, but damn it, I'm just tired.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

I think it's time

If you read my last post then you know that life is looking up, and now that I feel somewhat more emotionally unbound, it is perhaps time I could focus on my submission again. Because boy oh boy does that just tickle my fancy....pun intended.

My marriage is magically transformed through submission. It's so hard to explain. There is such freedom in submission for me. So, the plan is to bring it up tonight. I am nervous that after the break it might be hard to find a good rhythm again, but we will see.

Maybe I should just text him a picture of the red spatula and see if he can guess which direction I'm heading to :)


Saturday, July 30, 2016

Yay for Life!

The past two years of my life have been horrific. Two major issues came crashing down on my family and hung over us like dark rain clouds. There were days I felt paralyzed in fear. DD was a great distraction but I just could not possibly focus on my submission when I was having to be SO STRONG every minute. It was a complete disaster trying to embody both strength and submission in my own head. Maybe others can work that out, but I just couldn't. And I felt alone. I felt like no one could possibly understand what it was like to be facing such a massive giant, let alone two at once, like I was. I looked around at friends and family and envied their complaints about issues like money or weight loss. I questioned why me a thousand times.

So these two particular issues had no known expiration date. The future looked dim and I was depressed. But then, like a lightning bolt straight to my heart I received a phone call one day. It was a miracle, a MIRACLE BEYOND MIRACLES, and issue number horrific nightmare, was suddenly, unexpectedly....O-V-E-R! I actually dropped to my knees and began sobbing the most wonderful warm tears of joy I've ever felt. I thanked God and I called my family one by one sharing the news. That day was a wonderful blur of thankfulness and joy. I feel like I have been an almost different person since that day. Stress is a very real thing and can remove you from the person you truly are. I am testament to that!

So yes, issue number two still remains. But now I have hope. Because when I tell you issue number one was at one time hope-LESS, I do not lie. Yay for life! Yay for hope!

And by the way YAY because I can now focus on my husband, and that my friends will surely bring some exciting days ahead!


Thursday, April 28, 2016

I want it so bad!

I miss DD and I want it so bad! I miss being put across the bed and lectured about his expectations then being soundly spanked into submission. I miss the security, I miss the sting, I miss how I feel about Allan when it's over. I miss the scary "wait" knowing it's coming. I miss it all.

I am thinking about asking Allan to let us try to let me switch gears as needed, if I can. And I'm not even sure I can mentally process that. But some DD MUST be better than none!

I wonder if it's even possible for me to switch gears from what is needed, to what I desperately want.


Tuesday, March 29, 2016

I was missing in action

Hi All,

I've been out for a while. Behind the computer screen I have this very big and full life that pulls me in all directions like the old Stretch Armstrong doll from the 80's. And that's exactly how I feel now....stretched and stretched and about to come apart at my seams.

I'm not happy. I was happy....DD makes me happy but it is on hold now. There were some major life events that took it's toll on me and I had to put that on the shelf. It wasn't just because I was busy with kids or a job, I am just unable to put myself in a place psychologically right now that is needed to be submissive.

I am trying my best just to keep it all together until these "events" have passed. One day I would like for all these problems to be behind me and just have my regular life worries to juggle again. On that day I welcome DD back. I miss it so much! The sad thing is that I probably need it more now ever :(


Monday, December 28, 2015

Discipline Ramblings

Do you feel like your head has been cleared after a spanking? I do. And according to Allan he feels more focused after he spanks me. I think it's because during that time both partners are focused on each other. I'm still holding true to my position that I do not enjoy the pain, but I do like the after-effect on my attitude and my submission and connection to Allan. After a spanking and a good crying I am in a good subby place for a while.

So that begs the question (at least for me). If the spanking is harder, would I feel even better? Let me tell you why I am asking this. Allan and I are in the infant stages of DD. And when we have time to work it, we are amazingly better people, better to one another, more in love, etc... But since we are beginners I have noticed that compared to other bloggers, and some shared spanking photos, it appears I am getting off very easy.

As I'm reading blogs and viewing photos I start to wonder if Allan spanked me like "THAT" how would I be different. And he has wondered it too. We had a short conversation about it a few weeks ago and we both admitted to wondering the same. And Allan admitting he thought it was a conversation we need to start having. That made me nervous but curious too. 

Have you ever wondered the same thing? Is this something you desire or your HOH has mentioned?


Saturday, December 19, 2015

My Interstate Hero

So last night began as a pretty normal night. We were heading to dinner when a tire blew out and we were stranded on the side of the interstate. Allan did what he does and pulled all the necessary tools out to change the tire. I held the flashlight, watching as he starting turning the tire wrench and pulling lug nuts off the tire. Even in the deep South we have a few chilly winters and last night it was even windy and cold (for us, LOL). I was in a skirt and doing my best to be a good helper despite the chilly weather.

But we soon ran into a problem. The lug nuts were stripped because the tire shop had used that big loud air compressed tool to tighten them. So there was no tread to turn them off the tire. I watched as Allan studied the ones he had removed that weren't stripped. He turned them over and over in his hand. Then out came his big pocket knife and some other tools. Long story short....these lug nuts had metal covers on them. I watched as my tarzan man-handled these metal bolts and ripped the metal covers off of them by hand. This was no easy feat. Allan is a big strong guy and it took a great deal of grunting and effort to get them off. When the last one finally ripped open and I watched him pull it off, he smiled up at me from the windy dark interstate. I think a little piece of my heart melted from the smile but a whole bunch of pieces were feeling submissive and girly watching him save the day.

We finally reached the restaurant and had a nice private little booth when he pulled out the new rules list he had been working on yesterday. We had a few verbal rules since starting DD but nothing too concrete yet. I knew this would come eventually, and had even dreaded it a bit. Allan unfolded the paper and started hi-lighting and making notes on it. We (quietly) talked about what he wanted. Now I may have normally had a lot more to say about a few things, but's amazing how much one flat tire changed my attitude last night.

I was very receptive and we had an amazing talk. I didn't think I would be ok with rules but I am. So I guess we are beginning a new chapter, the chapter of Renee Rules (oh and quite a few spankable offenses).