Let me start off by saying that I am not a masochist. I do not enjoy pain in any way so there is no part of me that wants to be spanked for the pain. And when I say Daddy I am referring to my husband Allan. He's not my Father, but he is the HOH and Daddy in our home. So with those things aside let's talk about why I need Daddy's belt.
Here's a little background information. I was married once before right out of High School. I was an overachiever who was a CEO by 23 years old, and he was a man child. I do not say that with any disrespect for men, but this guy was a train wreck in regards to harnessing his masculinity. He did not take charge of anything, fix anything broken or keep a job. I was at times the sole bread winner and had to be on my A game all the time because of his short comings. I knew that I was unhappy and needed out badly. That marriage ended after a few years and life went on. But what stuck with me was the need for control.
Along comes Allan in my mid twenties. By this time I knew myself well enough to know I wasn't looking for a repeat. I wanted someone who could take the wheel and let me take a step back. Allan was my guy. Everything about him screamed dominant. He was at least a foot taller than me and a hundred pounds larger. Broad shoulders, Veteran Military, leadership position at work. He loved to spoil me and take care of me and for the first time ever I felt submissive. I was smitten! We got married, had a family and made a life.
Now back then I didn't know what submission was. I just knew we were in this wonderful dynamic where I loved caring for him and he took good care of me and our family. But as time went on things changed. Each time we would hit a hurdle in life my need to fix the situation came blazing back over and over again. Over time my need to control was back in full swing. I ran my household like a well oiled machine. To me that was justification for my need to control. There was just one problem with that....you can't have two bosses. Although I was the only one that needed to feel submissive, I was often volleying for control against Allan. What started as a great dynamic had turned into two very frustrated people.
Over time I realized how destructive this was. I realized that I was killing my own submissive spirit and that submission was something I needed VERY BADLY. As I told Allan "left to my own devices, I will rule the world". And I do not want that much responsibility no matter how much it might seem like it when I am racing for power to control whatever needs to be done around here.
These days I am a work at home wife and Mom. I still keep a clean house and try to over manage just about everything, but there is one exception. I am not allowed to over manage. Because Daddy has a belt that can yank me out of boss lady mode and force me to focus on my submission when needed.
Submission is critical for me and it is my choice. Not because I was brainwashed like some liberals might want to say, but because it actually makes me feel better, calmer and more peaceful. I choose this!
So here I sit knowing what is coming tonight. Yesterday I was doing my thing, stressing myself out in full blown clean the house, manage my job and kids mode. It wasn't going well because after days of this over the holidays I was exhausted. Allan calls from work and tells me to take a break and go lay down while the kids were napping. I agreed....but...... No I didn't do it I just kept plugging along with my chores until the kids woke up. He came home early and asked if I napped. I said yes to appease him. He's a smart guy and figured out pretty quickly that there was no pillow or blanket on the sofa.
Today I get a message from him to be ready tonight. I know what he means and I know that he sent it to me early in the day so I would think about it all day. It means punishment spanking for being dishonest. He always says that I won't care for myself unless he makes it happen and yes that is true. Maybe that is another aspect of submission. The internal desire to serve others puts us on the back burner. So despite what I want, I know what I need. And sometimes for lack of a better term it is to be put back in a submissive place.