Today I had a heated discussion with Allan who felt like I was not trying very hard to submit. "But I am" I said. Actually, I said that then got very quiet as I plowed through fields of memories for the past few days thinking of how I felt like I was submitting but he didn't see it.
I KNOW I am a control freak. I get it! But just because it is taking me longer than some doesn't mean I don't want it. He wasn't mad. He just said that I was giving him mixed signals because on one hand I said I wanted this, but on the other hand I still take the reigns so tightly.
He went on to tell me that he does love the take charge side of me, but it doesn't mirror what I told him I wanted.
Am I destined to fail at this? I want to be a submissive wife, really I do. Really.