Sunday, November 15, 2015

In the land of "First".

I titled this post In the land of "first". Because that's exactly where we are. We are in the place where there is a lot of firsts happening (is that a word?). Let me explain.

We have yet to put a label on our little dynamic even though Allan doesn't feel the need to. I on the other hand am navigating articles and blogs and soaking in every resource I can find because honestly I still have that nagging feeling somewhere deep down that wonders why I am so drawn to this lifestyle, and why it is changing my relationship with Allan so intensely. 

I feel like our relationship has been set on fire. I feel his presence when he is near me. A look, or a stern word can ignite a feeling in me that I have never felt before. And as we dive into domestic discipline there have been a lot of things happening for the first time. Like my first punishment spanking. I was a little disrespectful, over him messing up my hair of all things, and earned myself quite a spanking. It took me offguard but it is now out of the way and I am less nervous about having to overcome that first one. 

Then there is the first time I told him that I wanted rules because that made me feel more secure. It made me feel like I would know what was expected of me. See, that was a double first because I asked for rules and I was honest about wanting them. I've found that I am having such a hard time being honest about my feelings about domestic discipline. Maybe in time this will get easier. 


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