Saturday, December 30, 2017

Reset and Reconnect

I'm still here. It's been a year since my last post. Life threw some mega curve balls my way but I made it through. We shelved DD while we were dealing with family issues, but now I'm ready to do it again. At least, I think most of me is. The problem is that after such an absence, how to restart and reconnect where we once were?

First of all I remember the embarrassed feelings that overcame me in the beginning. Learning to be submissive, talking in terms of rules... It was all so strange and after such a lapse I know it will be that way again. So I'm nervous.

Next I know my motivation to do this matters. Is it to strengthen my marriage? Is it to strengthen myself through losing myself in submission? It it a sexual motivation? Because it made our sex life better. But then again, it just made our whole relationship better. It was a marriage saver.

And finally, how will he react? DD is so much more than spanking so is he up for the leadership it takes in our relationship? Is he up for dealing with the very uncomfortable conversations to start over. And how do I reconcile in my own mind and heart that he is a man who is not perfect, yet I'm going to let control go anyway. I've been mad at him for various reasons. I'm not sure if the anger will go away faster with DD or make it worse. I just remember how it healed before.

So many things are running through my head. Can this lifestyle really work long term? I wish it would.

I need support. Comment, email me. I remember having support from you guys once. I need it again.